another story

i have not enjoyed this week.

i'd like to apologize in advance to my dear, sweet office buddy, melissa, who has heard this story in detail multiple times over the last few days.

so on my lunch hour wednesday, i decide to drive around and look at some houses that are for sale. i'm on my way to the third house which is further out that the other two. i'm at a stoplight on a busy four-lane road when my sweet cherry darlin dies on me. no warning. no sputtering. no lurching. just dies. traffic light turns green and suddenly i'm THAT person. apparently the fact that my hazards are on doesn't tip anyone off and they continue to honk at my helpless ass as i sit there contemplating what good calling matt would do.

luckily, the guy beside me in traffic pulls over and pushes me onto a side street. he happens to be a mechanic! :D:D:D found out that cherry has a rotary engine and he wouldn't touch it with a ten foot pole. :(:(:(

after about an hour, cherry magically cranks. assuming she had overheated, i just left her there to continue cooling and matt dropped me back at work.

we take cherry to the dealership on thursday because no one else will fondle her rotary. that afternoon, i'm in the process of reading an email from a realtor when homedude from mazda calls me. and says, "i hope you're sitting down." no, my job is as a professional stander. i'm a statue.

so dude says my fuel pump needs replacing first of all so we're looking at at least $2000. yeah, there's 3 zeros on that. i choke on my own vomit and tell him i'll just have to talk to him later.

and then i cry because that means no house.

matt's like "aw, hell naw" when homedude tells him the news and says we'll pick cherry up and take her home cause we can't afford that right now.

we go to pick her up and those dirty hamsters left my glovebox sitting in the floorboard. with papers strewn about. i was DISPLEASED.

we took it to a new place and they are sooooo nice there. i promised to make them all brownies if they could get my cherry darlin back in tip top shape.

so that was my wednesday-friday. now i get to study for the $#@@#@ cpa exam which i take on monday.

at least it's october.

Firsts

first cd i owned: celine dion - let's talk about love (gift, christmas 1997)

first pop song i ever heard: lisa loeb - stay (totally grew up on country. and rappin' rabbit.)

first music video i saw: the cardigans - lovefool (mtv was banned til i was like 15)

first car: 97 pontiac grand am. the windows didn't work and it flooded when it rained.

first kiss: i was 15. and it was awful. i was afraid i was gonna be a lesbian.

first day of 7th grade i wore: acid wash shorts and clear platform jellies. i had to put deodorant on the bottom of my feet so they wouldn't get sweaty and slide around.

first magazine i bought: a YM with antonio saboto jr on the cover. i was in 7th grade and i think it got taken away from me because there was a blurb in it about penises.

first text message: "i'm ron burgandy?" from topher cagle. in 2005. second edition nokia phone that i thought was so cool cause the sides lit up when it rang. and i had a louis vuitton phone cover.

first apartment: 305 w. california in ruston. we got robbed so i moved after my freshmen year.

first dance at my wedding: "heaven" by the fire theft. youtube it. now.

first homecoming date: mitchell wood in 8th grade. i had a ridiculously good time.

first big haircut: my SENIOR YEAR. senior year, people. went from middle of my back to my collarbone and i loved it and jan hated it.

first rated R movie: "scream" in 6th grade. had no idea what kind of movie i was about to see. scared the hell out of me. and i got in trouble.

first piercing: second hole when i was 16. downhill from there.

first job: first financial bank in el dorado. in the loan vault. and i got locked in it regularly.

i should quit while i'm ahead. that'd be a first.

i don't mind the rain

as long as i can stay home on the couch.

i think it was determined this weekend that parkway tavern's surf and turf poboy is the leading poboy of new orleans. according to the everetts' palates. sophisticated as they are.

it has been raining like nobody's business. so today, matt and i watched some "arrested development" while the rain pitter-pattered. i got my favorite blanket, moved our unphotogenic dog out of matt's lap (sorry, ella. NOT!) and snuggled til i fell asleep.

i'm sorry but i have to say it.

five years ago, i was in hawaii. watching new orleans wash away from our condo tv. i got the same feeling i had on 9/11.

i stared at the tv.

"ok, what?"

.........

"ok, i'm sorry, what?"

my comprehension skills were not up to par.

but katrina-whore definitely leaves a cloudy film on my hawaiian vacay. maybe on some level i knew that i'd one day call new orleans "home."

this was totally supposed to be a temporary stop for us. but we went to harbor about a year ago this month and the sermon was basically about urging students and young couples to stay in the city. after their degrees/internships/summer jobs were over.

i took it as a sign. despite the craters in the roads, the unfavorable schools, traffic and crime, i had fallen in love with her. and i decided i wanted to stay here, as long as the good Lord saw fit.

my friend, meredith, said in her blog that "i've heard it said that the longer you live in new orleans, the more unfit you are to live anywhere else."

i feel that way. if i moved right now, i'd end up making everyone hate me cause i'd never shut up about the food or mardi gras or my saints.

i can't say enough about the food. or sipping cocktails on the porch of the columns. or the ambiance at the green goddess with it's copperplate ceilings and teeny tiny tables. how hansen's doesn't have air conditioning. but you can air condition your stomach. the many chandeliers at loa and how they play arcade fire and band of horses while i sip my lemondrop on a velvet chair.

how everyone looks good in black and gold. and people take their dogs everywhere. how old metairie road is like my own personal princess land. and magazine st has more little stores and shops than i can count.

and amazing gelato.

how the dumpest looking little shacks have the absolute best food. and the waitresses call you "honey," dear" and "baby."

our friends here are amazing. we love them so much and they've made my life complete.

i can't see myself living anywhere else.

i love my city.

my top 5 michael scott moments

i was originally going to do a top 10 list, but i decided top 5 is more prestigious.

i don't know if "the office" will live without michael gary scott.

5) in the episode "performance review" where pam is microwaving popcorn; michael looks at the camera and whispers, "ahhh i'm hungry." and it's ridiculously fun to quote.

4) in "weight loss: part 2" michael pitches a little hissy fit after one of the weigh-ins and the way he flaps his little hands like a 5 year old cracks me up.

3) any and every time he sings.

2) his solo dance in "booze cruise." very fun to imitate.

1) prison mike in "the convict." gruel, dimentos, eating your own hair...

i definitely have top 5 dwight and top 5 andy moments. i just have to narrow them down.

"that's what she said."

i own it

back in the days of yore, i tried to be one of those people that's "hard to read" or "put up walls" because i thought it'd be cool if someone was like, "man, i wonder what happened to make her so closed off" blah blah blah.

i don't know if i really wanted to be seen that way or if it's because i was surrounded by fake people and thought that was a good way to be fake.

the truth is i'm a freakin open book. i'll tell you whatever you want to know, good or bad. because i don't feel like i should be ashamed of things i've said or done because i've learned specific things from each and every one. and i want to share what i've learned with friends going through similar times but i feel it's pivotal to also divulge some background so they don't think i'm some self-righteous quack.

plus people that are too guarded just get on my nerves.

do i strike you as judgmental? cause i like to think that i'm far from it. because 1) i've probably done the same thing or something similar and 2) i'm not God.

i spent too much time surrounded by fake, judgmental people. so i'm determined to be the opposite. i like being real, even when it's not pretty. and i feel like that was stifled in the past by people who judged me for being me.

awkward, uncensored, clumsy me.

but that is no more. and it only took ~27 years.

heart + sleeve

a confession

i've meant to post this before but in case you haven't noticed, i have a tendency to be lazy.

but i think it's time that i come out and say that i have some weird, morbid obsession with disturbing movies.

and i have for a while.

i'm a sick, sick soul.

i have no problem with violence as long as it's not someone getting the crap beat out of them. or curb-stomped, a la american history x.

in city of god, little kids are forced to shoot each other. i didn't care.

didn't really find a clockwork orange very violent or disturbing, but we've been wayyyyy desensitized to violence since the 70s.

i've watched pieces of cannibal holocaust but i REFUSE to watch the scenes with real animal killings.

even i draw the line somewhere. and the line is animals dying.

and i also couldn't finish i spit on your grave.

see i have a soul! i'm human!

disturbing could also mean just plain freaky, i.e. eraserhead, audition, freaks.

or just plain gross. see pink flamingos, gummo, salo.

i know entirely too much about this genre of film. and no one to share it with.

currently craving

- a brocato's cannoli

- crabby jack's shrimp poboy

- green goddess sweet potato biscuits

- stella's potato soup (with bacon lardons and caviar creme fraiche)

- kupcake factory's wedding cake cupcake ( and reese's cupcake)

- banana pudding from my own two man-hands

- ben and jerry's sweet cream and cookies

- a margarita from juan's flying burrito

- a frothy monkey mocha

- jacques-imo's cornbread muffins drenched in garlic butter

- upperline's honey pecan bread pudding (with toffee sauce)

- brennan's brandy milk punch

- zea's roast garlic hummus

- tabouleh from lebanon's

- the drew bree's cupcake from bee sweet cupcakes

- a sidecar from swizzle stick

- the flaming torch's french onion soup

did i mention i want these all at once?

*EDIT*

- and a baked potato from port of call

and a swamp reuben from the avenue

ok that's all.

and a macaroon from sucre.