Kiddo

The last few months have been a blur of sleep and vomit, so I figured I'd write down what few details I remember for future reference.  Although, it is definitely too soon to even think about doing this again.

I digress.

I really like to drink wine while cooking dinner.  So on a Sunday night in November (Nov 3rd maybe?) I'd been swigging some pinot grigio and decided it'd be fun to pee on a stick.  Because why not.  I actually put the test down somewhere (probably near food, knowing me) and continued my completely inappropriate text convo with Misti and Judith.  At some point, I remembered that darn test, picked it up and saw two lines staring at me.  I was NOT immediately excited because I had a belly full of wine and that can't be good for the zygote.  Matt was pretty indifferent about it and I don't blame him.  It's hard to believe a little plastic stick that you bought at Safeway.  I got on the Google (duh) and determined my due date is July 18. 

Life went on as normal for another week and a half.  The day I hit 5 weeks, I started feeling like complete and utter shit.  There's no other way to say it.  It was awful, second only to an MS relapse.  So I effectively ruined our Thanksgiving trip to Seattle by 1) not wanting to leave our hotel room, and 2) barfing all the way down 6th Street.  So, so miserable.  Sorry, Matt.

I finally told my co-worker at 8 weeks because I desperately needed to complain to someone.  Plus, I think I was looking kind of suspicious by running to the bathroom 2938472392233 times a day. 

I flew to Dallas at 10 weeks and it wasn't bad.  Christmas was good.  Telling family was good.  Flying home was pretty sucky only because it's a freakin' long flight and Matt and I got split up on the plane.  THANKS, OBAMA.

January wasn't too awful.  Heard the heartbeat and had an ultrasound so it was nice to know there's actually something in there and I'm not shouting groceries for nothing.

Now that the nausea is fading, I just want to eat.  I love Golden Grahams.  I love oranges and orange juice and banana peppers (not altogether). Subway clubs are so delicious I could cry. 

We don't find out the gender until Feb 26th (Dayton or Sandrine?)  so I'm just biding my time until I know whether to buy pink or blue stuff. 

Thanks to Zofran and our Temperpedic mattress, things are going well.  I can't hide the fat anymore. My ribs hurt a lot.  But, seriously, everything has gone so well that I'm kind of in disbelief. 

It'll be fun when UPS drops off a baby for me in July.  That's how they get here, right?

Soundtrack of 2013

I'm late this year, but it's due to the tiny baby in my belly.  Best excuse ever.


2013 was a crap year, music-wise.  The only albums worth a listen all year were The National's "Trouble Will Find Me" and Frightened Rabbit's "Pedestrian Verse."  Everything else was 100% meeehhhhh.




My Top Songs of 2013:


The Weight of Us - Sanders Bohlke
Inbread Evil - Boondox
I Made a Resolution - Sea Wolf
All of Me - John Legend (awwwww)
My Song 5 - Haim
101 Vultures - Alex Winston
Country Queen - Night Moves
By Your Hand - Los Campesinos!
Youth - Daughter
End of All Time - Stars of Track & Field
The Ocean - The Bravery (probably my most listened to song of the year)
Not in Love - Olin & The Moon
All I Want - Kodaline
Just a Fool - Christina Aguilera and Blake Shelton (I knooooowwwww)
Slowly - Barcelona
Many of Horror - Biffy Clyro
I Should Live in Salt - The National
Sea of Love - The National
This is the Last Time - The National
Slipped - The National
City Middle - The National
Hip Hop Kids - Portugal. The Man
Atomic Man - Portugal. The Man
Purple Yellow Red and Blud - Portugal. The Man
My Homies Still - Lil Wayne (what?)
Slow Show - The National
Time to Run - Lord Huron
Royals - Lorde
Young Blood - The Naked and Famous
Jump Into the Fog - The Wombats
Life Boat - Early Morning Rebel
Bartholomew - The Silent Comedy
Oblivion - M83 (omgggg)
Why'd You Only Call Me When You're High? - Arctic Monkeys
Trembling Hands - The Temper Trap
Full Circle - Half Moon Run
No Rest - Dry the River
R U Mine? - Arctic Monkeys (they have so many questions)
If the Creek Don't Rise - Dylan LeBlanc
Human - Daughter
Landfill - Daughter
Candles - Daughter
Home - Daughter
Medicine - Daughter
Tennis Court - Lorde
I'm Gonna Be (500 Miles) - Sleeping at Last
Flashbulb Eyes - Arcade Fire
Fight Song - The Appleseed Cast
Holy - Frightened Rabbit
The Woodpile - Frightened Rabbit
Late March, Death March - Frightened Rabbit
December's Traditions - Frightened Rabbit
Dead Now - Frightened Rabbit
State Hospital - Frightened Rabbit
Nitrous Gas - Frightened Rabbit
The Oil Slick - Frightened Rabbit (ok basically the whole album)
Demons - The National
Don't Swallow the Cap - The National
I Need My Girl - The National
Acts of Man - Frightened Rabbit
The Story I Heard - Blind Pilot
Broken Heart - Dr. Dog
You Don't Know How Lucky You Are - Keaton Henson




I made it through that whole list without puking! 

Sharing Spoons: I didn't do great.

But here me out.  I really shouldn't have set such lofty goals.  And I'm gonna play the MS card.

1) Physical - So for some reason, I found it necessary to set a physical goal that I have basically no control over.  I don't know if I'm pregnant, but my boobs have been sore for days (sorry) so I'm hoping that's a good sign.  At the same time, I'm not getting my hopes up cause I think I got some things confused, timing-wise.  This crap is complicated.  So let's just say October's physical goal was moot.

November goal: Keep going for walks on my lunch hour.  Whenever I was running, I was either 1) unemployed, 2) on Tysabri, or 3) both.  Now I'm working again and no longer able to take Tysabri which did wonders for my energy level. So now I'm back to being tired all.the.time.  But I have been going for walks on my lunch break and I quite enjoy them.  Even though I can't even walk for more than 10-20 minutes.

And that wasn't even the goal I'm playing the MS card on!

2) Spiritual - I was supposed to memorize James 1 in October.  It's been a while since I've tried to memorize anything and I sadly discovered that I no longer have the cognitive ability to memorize things.  At least not quickly.  So I got frustrated and quit.  Like a little baby.

November goal: Volunteer in the nursery at church.  I enjoy doing behind-the-scenes ministry work that no one really cares about.  I know the nursery isn't one of those scenarios, but I can't sing or play an instrument. However, I can change a diaper without gagging if I've had a light breakfast.

3) Emotional - This will probably be ongoing for years.  It's hard to undo 20+ years of feeling guilty about everything.  But, I will say it's better.  So I'm gonna give myself a C++ there.

November goal: To stop replaying conversations in my head and wondering if I've said something stupid or offensive.  I've never really had much of a filter, but I also tend to beat myself over every little thing I say that could've possibly been taken out of context.  Not everyone speaks sarcasm and I forget that and then chastise myself.  I need to just get over it and if they don't like it, they can go DIAF.

That was harsh.

4) Fun - Well, my goal was to make a new friend.  I did have lunch with my new co-worker and I consider her a friend.  She may not consider me one though, so B- maybe?

November goal: I've been hunting for some cognac boots.  By the end of November, I hope to have cognac boots!

And a bebe in my womb.

Maybe this will motivate me...

So my dear pal, Judith, posted this about "Sharing Spoons" and as someone who's usually quite apathetic and lazy, I felt momentary inspiration.  It involves 4 goals (physical, spiritual, emotional and fun) accomplished over the course of a month.  And since my laptop is a stone age piece of crap and I'm too impatient to post from my tablet, I had time to ponder these goals whilst my poor POS compy was booting up.

1) Physical - Well, I was trying to think of a running/exercise goal but this time of year is not adequate for outdoor exercise, so I'll focus on a much more important physical goal.  Get preggers!!!  Yes.  It's definitely physical.  And thanks to this fun little disease, September and October are our baby windows and September has come and gone with no baby.  Literally, my one egg is in October's basket.  Pressure is good for conception, right?

2) Spiritual - I like Judith's idea of memorizing the book of James, so I'm going with that.  James 1 memorized in October.  My dad was saved cause of the book of James AND his first name is James, so I've always had a fondness for it.

3) Emotional - To lay off the guilt!!!  I feel guilty for everything and it's been instilled in me for my whole life.  Fail a test? (and by "fail" I mean a B). Well, it's because you had some beer with friends the other night.  Have some serious car trouble?  Maybe you shouldn't have watched that really violent movie.  This has been my life since 8th grade (not the beer part).  Right now my guilt is that I'm not pregnant because I haven't been to church in a few weeks.  How ridiculous is that?  But breaking habits you've had most of your life is hard.  So this is going to be a work in progress.

4) Fun - make a new friend.  I'm ISTJ when it comes to the Meyers-Brigg's personality test and that "I" for "Introvert" might as well be as big as the sun.  The thought of being home every night makes me seriously giddy.  Few things stress me out more than friendships, so I haven't bothered with it much lately, but I need to continue to challenge myself.  Challenge my introvert-ness!!!  Typing that gave me heart palpitations, so this might be an ongoing goal as well.

As of right now, 6;48pm on Monday, October 7, I feel motivated.  That should've been one of your goals, Judith!  I guarantee you that motivating me to do something besides wear yoga pants and drink sangria is a much bigger accomplishment than running 60 miles in one month.  TRUTH.

A Year

On September 1, 2012, I woke up and couldn't walk.  Couldn't walk well, at least.  I put on one of my favorite tank tops and used Matt as a crutch so we could enjoy a 1pm brunch.  I even managed to get my fall wreath on the door.  The next day is when I decided I needed to go to urgent care because this was like Ron Burgundy.  Kind of a big deal.

Has it really been a year?  September was spent on the couch soaked in steroids.  October was spent learning to walk again.  November/December were spent catching up on alllllll that I missed while incapacitated.

My March MRI showed new lesions in my brain that put Baby Watch 2013 on hold for another 6 months.  In May/June, both sets of parents came for a visit.  We visited a few wineries on Hood River and Carlton and my sweet, sweet dad used some wine terms that were completely off-base and it was adorable.

June also brought job loss in the Everett house and it has been both cool and COMPLETELY UNCOOL.

The end of August brought a beautifully stable MRI, but also the discouraging news that I'm now JC positive.  The JC virus is the ONE virus that can get through the blood brain barrier on this MS drug I take and it can cause PML.  Which results in either severe disability or death.  I was JC negative for a year and it was awesome.  Now that I'm positive, I fear that Baby Watch 2013 will become Baby Watch 2014.  And it's a bummer.

BUT.  It's September.  My fall wreath is on the door, my Pumpkin Cupcake candle is on the mantle.  We have 2 Fantasy Football drafts today.  Ella has fur.  On her legs, at least.  So this September is already light-years better than the last.

Things

Things haven't been particularly great these last few months, but the Everetts are powering through.  And thankfully, our least favorite month is almost over, so our favorite time of year can begin!

And because I'm trying this new thing where I'm an optimist, here are a few things I'm looking forward to:

1) The arrival of my "Leaves" candles from Bath and Body Works.
2) Hanging my fall wreath on the front door and laying out our fall table runner.
3) PUMPKIN BEER.  There's only been 3 fall beers at our grocery store so far ( I know it's August!) but fall ales are my favorite and I need MORE.
4) Football!!!!!!!! College, NFL and Fantasy.  The dynamic of the Everett house totally changes during football season and it's really some of the sweetest, coziest times.
5) Making soup!!!  I make an awesome mushroom and roast garlic soup AND a great French onion soup and it's been far too long since I've made them.
6) Wearing hoodies!  I almost put on  my favorite hoodie when I went up in the hills Friday, but alas, it is still too dang hot for a hoodie.  RIP Trayvon.
7) Hearing the heat kick on.  I MISS hearing the heat kick on and it gets extra cozy in our living room/bedroom.

I'm going to stop at 7 cause it's the number of perfection.  Plus I'm watching season 9 of Grey's Anatomy and they're playing "Time to Run" by Lord Huron so I'm hypnotized by their awesomeness.

I'm also ready to buy a few pumpkins and carve them with my love, because even though I live with him, I just cannot get enough of him.

Oh my ears and whiskers...

I guess I've been on a posting hiatus.  It's mainly because posting on a tablet is a PITA, but I'm also lazy.  Never forget how lazy I am. 

I really can't think of much that's happened these last 3 months...

We saw Muse play and it was awesome AND it was on a weeknight, so we proved we are still as cool as the young cats.  And people.  I didn't actually see any cats there.

We also saw Frightened Rabbit again in March and the girl standing behind me at the show got her boyfriend to tap me on the shoulder and tell me that my ponytail was in his girlfriend's way.  I stared at him incredulously.  And of course, I immediately hacked off my ponytail.  I mean, it was in this poor girl's LINE OF VISION. 

The humanity.

I also got a new tattoo.  On my still-numb arm.  And it was still unpleasant.  But worth it.


On a serious note, I have had the sadz lately.  Like can't-climb-out-of-this-hole-might-burst-into-tears-at-any-second kind of sad.  Nothing really has happened.  There was some stressful weeks at work.  But everything is ok now.  I just can't get un-sad and it's starting to get really lonely.  I'm pretty good at being fake-happy when I need to be, but it gets tiring and I find myself being nonchalant and dismissive when people talk to me.  Then I feel like a jerk.  And that makes me sad(der). 

I just needed to say that somewhere.  When people at work say "Hey, Sommer, how are you?" I know they're just expecting a "I'm fine!"  Not a drawn-out sob story about teetering on the hairy edge of a nervous breakdown.  That's not well-received in a corporate setting.  Even if the kegerator is out.

And today, the kegerator is NOT out.

I can't end on such a glum note. 

Here's good news:  Ella has some fur growing back!  Fuzzy, soft baby furs!  She no longer has a back that only a mother could love.