i own it

back in the days of yore, i tried to be one of those people that's "hard to read" or "put up walls" because i thought it'd be cool if someone was like, "man, i wonder what happened to make her so closed off" blah blah blah.

i don't know if i really wanted to be seen that way or if it's because i was surrounded by fake people and thought that was a good way to be fake.

the truth is i'm a freakin open book. i'll tell you whatever you want to know, good or bad. because i don't feel like i should be ashamed of things i've said or done because i've learned specific things from each and every one. and i want to share what i've learned with friends going through similar times but i feel it's pivotal to also divulge some background so they don't think i'm some self-righteous quack.

plus people that are too guarded just get on my nerves.

do i strike you as judgmental? cause i like to think that i'm far from it. because 1) i've probably done the same thing or something similar and 2) i'm not God.

i spent too much time surrounded by fake, judgmental people. so i'm determined to be the opposite. i like being real, even when it's not pretty. and i feel like that was stifled in the past by people who judged me for being me.

awkward, uncensored, clumsy me.

but that is no more. and it only took ~27 years.

heart + sleeve

a confession

i've meant to post this before but in case you haven't noticed, i have a tendency to be lazy.

but i think it's time that i come out and say that i have some weird, morbid obsession with disturbing movies.

and i have for a while.

i'm a sick, sick soul.

i have no problem with violence as long as it's not someone getting the crap beat out of them. or curb-stomped, a la american history x.

in city of god, little kids are forced to shoot each other. i didn't care.

didn't really find a clockwork orange very violent or disturbing, but we've been wayyyyy desensitized to violence since the 70s.

i've watched pieces of cannibal holocaust but i REFUSE to watch the scenes with real animal killings.

even i draw the line somewhere. and the line is animals dying.

and i also couldn't finish i spit on your grave.

see i have a soul! i'm human!

disturbing could also mean just plain freaky, i.e. eraserhead, audition, freaks.

or just plain gross. see pink flamingos, gummo, salo.

i know entirely too much about this genre of film. and no one to share it with.

currently craving

- a brocato's cannoli

- crabby jack's shrimp poboy

- green goddess sweet potato biscuits

- stella's potato soup (with bacon lardons and caviar creme fraiche)

- kupcake factory's wedding cake cupcake ( and reese's cupcake)

- banana pudding from my own two man-hands

- ben and jerry's sweet cream and cookies

- a margarita from juan's flying burrito

- a frothy monkey mocha

- jacques-imo's cornbread muffins drenched in garlic butter

- upperline's honey pecan bread pudding (with toffee sauce)

- brennan's brandy milk punch

- zea's roast garlic hummus

- tabouleh from lebanon's

- the drew bree's cupcake from bee sweet cupcakes

- a sidecar from swizzle stick

- the flaming torch's french onion soup

did i mention i want these all at once?

*EDIT*

- and a baked potato from port of call

and a swamp reuben from the avenue

ok that's all.

and a macaroon from sucre.