Friday, July 25, 2014

Miles' Birth Story

The last few weeks of pregnancy, I found myself reading lots and lots of birth stories on different baby forums.  Some were terrifying and some I was already jealous of because they were so awesome.  Mine did not start off awesome, but actually turned out to be really great.

So I played 9 holes of golf at 39 weeks pregnant.  It was an "accounting outing" and it was every bit as fun as it sounds.  No really, I did enjoy myself.  And I'm a hell of a putter.  We joked that bouncing around in the golf cart was going to send me into labor.  It did not.

The next day, Saturday July 12, was this big full moon that everyone had been chattering about.  I'd decided that all the chatter would basically jinx any chance I had of having a baby that day.

Matt and I went on our usual Saturday lunch date at a BBQ place.  I didn't have much appetite (WTF???) so I brought most of mine home.

At about 6pm, I started having some odd pains.  Mainly Braxton-Hicks, but with some fun back pain mixed in.  By 8pm, I was totally having back labor and it was AWFUL.  They weren't regular contractions (4-7 minutes apart) and only lasted around 45 seconds, so not only was it back labor, it was false labor.  Meaning I was in pain for NOTHING.

I called L&D around midnight because there was seriously no way I was going to be able to sleep.  They had the on-call doctor call me and she groggily (I'm bitter at this woman, BTW) told me to drink a lot of water and lay on my left side and see if they go away.


All night, I was bouncing on my exercise ball, watching Teen Mom (forgive me, Father) and trying some technique I'd found on to get him off my spine.  It failed.  Horribly.

At 6am, I told Matt to take me to L&D so I could at least get some pain meds and sleep.  I wasn't the least bit dilated, so they gave me Vicodin and sent me home to sleep.  They said I should be able to sleep about 8 hours and hopefully my labor would progress while I slept.

Three hours later, I was back where I started.  Freakin' writhing in pain.

I lasted until 8pm on Sunday July 13 before asking Matt to take me back to L&D.  They put me in a labor room while they did God knows what.  You guys.  If you've never had back labor, allow me to inform you of its awfulness.  I finally just let myself scream through contractions while hunched over the labor bed.  I've never known pain like that.  BUT!  I did not cry.  Wait...did I cry?  Ok, maybe I cried.

An angel of mercy descended on me, and I was admitted.  I was only at 3-4 centimeters, but they let me get an epidural and it was blissful until it stopped working on my left side.  By about 5am, they told me start pushing.  Just some "practice" pushes.  After pushing for about 4 contractions, I decided they were scheming me and these were NOT practice pushes.

My doctor started putting a gown and cap on and they wheeled in this huge tray of what looked like tools used to prepare sushi.

I think I pushed for two more contractions.  I felt his little head pop out like Mr. Bucket and I just started laughing hysterically because it was OVER.  She told me to look down, and two beady little peepers were staring at me.

We did skin-to-skin for about an hour and then weighed and measured our little (and I mean little!!!) baby boy.

Then my L&D nurse started pressing on my stomach and I punched her in the arm.

Then she tried to help me to the bathroom and I peed all over the floor.  I'm sure she was sad to see me go.  Thanks for all your help, Denise!

Baby Miles arrived July 14 at 5:59am, weighing in at 6 pounds 3 ounces.  I would like to thank him for coming a few days early.  However, I may never forget the back labor, so he has a lot of making up to do...

Just kidding!