Tuesday, December 9, 2014

Albums of 2014

Since the beginning of 2014 was a fuzzy cloud of puke, twitchy eyes, bloody lips and sciatic pain and the middle of 2014 was a baby haze of snuggles, sleep deprivation, The Hills and moving, I didn't get to really listen to any new music until I came back to work in October.  I made a playlist of these 3 albums and listen to it non-stop.
First is Banks' album Goddess. I don't normally listen to solo artists because I'm a snob, but I love her very much and when I had a cold last week, I pretended my sexy phlegm made me sound like her.
Read: It did not.
Favorite tracks
Someone New
Under the Table

Ok, fine.  This is a 2013 album, but I got behind during all the baby-havin.  This is Chvrches The Bones of What You Believe and I normally do NOT enjoy any kind of electronica, dream pop, yet I sincerely enjoy this album and her tiny, tiny Scottish voice.
Favorite tracks:
The Mother We Share

Royal Blood decided to name their album Royal Blood and I'm ok with it.  I describe them as The Black Keys meets Jack White.  Probably my favorite album of 2014
Favorite tracks:
Out of the Black
Loose Change
Ten Tonne Skeleton
I do have a "soundtrack" for the year, but it's actually quite poor and I don't enjoy it that much.  And I'll be listening to Bing Crosby and Frank Sinatra for the rest of the year. 
And that damn Mariah Carey song.

Monday, October 20, 2014

Hazy blur...

I'm here.  I'm alive.  But I can't tell you anything that's happened in these last 3 months.  Everything has changed.  Our house, our routines...our SLEEP.  We're both tired.  And Miles doesn't even wake up that much.  I just wake up and anticipate him waking so I sit there awake, waiting.  And nothing happens.  He finally woke up at 4am today to eat.  But I'd been awake at 1:16am, 2:30am and 3:35am.  I'm getting a big ol' latte soon.

The post-partum period was weird.  I'll be honest.  I wasn't immediately in love with the baby the second they placed him on my chest.  That probably sounds horrible.  I felt horrible.  I wanted to have that rush of emotion that everyone talks about.  Instead I was suddenly in charge of this little creature that was all take and no give.  I mourned for my old life.  I don't handle change well and duuuhh, having a baby is a big change.  I may not have handled it with a lot of grace.

I've never resented my baby.  Even when he was 3 weeks old and waking every hour, I didn't get mad at him.  He was (is) tiny and helpless.  But they aren't joking when they say that even finding time to pee is challenging.  Matt and I ate dinner in shifts.  Eventually started taking shifts at night.  I'd planned on doing all the night feedings while I was on leave.  That only lasted a few nights before I was desperate for help.  And sleep.  So Matt would take first shift and let me get a few hours of sleep. 

Now, Miles sleeps in his crib.  He has since we moved into the new house.  And I, of course, totally obsessed about how awful the transition from his Rock n Play was going to be.  But the first night I put him in there, he just slept.  I'm really good at hypothesizing about how bad something will be only to have it turn out perfectly fine. 

Miles is tiny and smiley.  He was only in the 20th percentile, weight-wise, at his last appointment.  He's 14 weeks old and barely out of newborn clothes.  He smiles all day long unless you hold up a camera to take his picture.  Then you get an infant version of Resting Bitch Face.

He'll lay in his crib and just "talk."  Squeal and chirp and coo.  It's cute for about 5 minutes, but at 3am, it gets pretty not cute.  But when I go in his room and he's SO happy to see me...I can't be annoyed.  I turn into a puddle.

He started laughing on Oct 12.  Two days shy of 3 months.  He loves to chew on his hands.  And kick his little baby legs.  He'll hold his squeaky penguin if I hand it to him.  I'll pull him into a sitting position and his face lights up.  He seriously thinks he's doing it on his own.  And pretty soon, he will.  That is the strongest tiny baby. 

He smiles biggest for his daddy and I can't even be jealous.  It's so stinkin' adorable. 

Friday, July 25, 2014

Miles' Birth Story

The last few weeks of pregnancy, I found myself reading lots and lots of birth stories on different baby forums.  Some were terrifying and some I was already jealous of because they were so awesome.  Mine did not start off awesome, but actually turned out to be really great.

So I played 9 holes of golf at 39 weeks pregnant.  It was an "accounting outing" and it was every bit as fun as it sounds.  No really, I did enjoy myself.  And I'm a hell of a putter.  We joked that bouncing around in the golf cart was going to send me into labor.  It did not.

The next day, Saturday July 12, was this big full moon that everyone had been chattering about.  I'd decided that all the chatter would basically jinx any chance I had of having a baby that day.

Matt and I went on our usual Saturday lunch date at a BBQ place.  I didn't have much appetite (WTF???) so I brought most of mine home.

At about 6pm, I started having some odd pains.  Mainly Braxton-Hicks, but with some fun back pain mixed in.  By 8pm, I was totally having back labor and it was AWFUL.  They weren't regular contractions (4-7 minutes apart) and only lasted around 45 seconds, so not only was it back labor, it was false labor.  Meaning I was in pain for NOTHING.

I called L&D around midnight because there was seriously no way I was going to be able to sleep.  They had the on-call doctor call me and she groggily (I'm bitter at this woman, BTW) told me to drink a lot of water and lay on my left side and see if they go away.


All night, I was bouncing on my exercise ball, watching Teen Mom (forgive me, Father) and trying some technique I'd found on spinningbabies.com to get him off my spine.  It failed.  Horribly.

At 6am, I told Matt to take me to L&D so I could at least get some pain meds and sleep.  I wasn't the least bit dilated, so they gave me Vicodin and sent me home to sleep.  They said I should be able to sleep about 8 hours and hopefully my labor would progress while I slept.

Three hours later, I was back where I started.  Freakin' writhing in pain.

I lasted until 8pm on Sunday July 13 before asking Matt to take me back to L&D.  They put me in a labor room while they did God knows what.  You guys.  If you've never had back labor, allow me to inform you of its awfulness.  I finally just let myself scream through contractions while hunched over the labor bed.  I've never known pain like that.  BUT!  I did not cry.  Wait...did I cry?  Ok, maybe I cried.

An angel of mercy descended on me, and I was admitted.  I was only at 3-4 centimeters, but they let me get an epidural and it was blissful until it stopped working on my left side.  By about 5am, they told me start pushing.  Just some "practice" pushes.  After pushing for about 4 contractions, I decided they were scheming me and these were NOT practice pushes.

My doctor started putting a gown and cap on and they wheeled in this huge tray of what looked like tools used to prepare sushi.

I think I pushed for two more contractions.  I felt his little head pop out like Mr. Bucket and I just started laughing hysterically because it was OVER.  She told me to look down, and two beady little peepers were staring at me.

We did skin-to-skin for about an hour and then weighed and measured our little (and I mean little!!!) baby boy.

Then my L&D nurse started pressing on my stomach and I punched her in the arm.

Then she tried to help me to the bathroom and I peed all over the floor.  I'm sure she was sad to see me go.  Thanks for all your help, Denise!

Baby Miles arrived July 14 at 5:59am, weighing in at 6 pounds 3 ounces.  I would like to thank him for coming a few days early.  However, I may never forget the back labor, so he has a lot of making up to do...

Just kidding!

Friday, June 13, 2014

35 Weeks

Even though today is Friday the 13th and a full moon, I'm pretty sure he's hanging tight. 

How far along: 35 weeks

Baby is the size of: A honeydew melon! Over 18 inches long and 5 ¼ pounds.

Total weight gain/loss: gain of 20 lbs.  Doctor told me yesterday to not gain more than another 2.5 to 5 pounds.  So I’m foregoing cupcakes this weekend (whimper).

Maternity clothes: Mainly maxi dresses/maxi skirts with maternity tanks.  Even my maternity pants are uncomfortable at this point.

Stretch marks: No, but I do have diastasis recti.  My ab muscles form a big ridge down the middle of my belly.  Let me know and I’ll text you a picture.  It’s strangely cool.

Sleep: Still sleeping well.  He’s set up camp on my sciatic nerve (literally getting on my nerves!) so walking isn’t much fun…  

Best moment this week: The half a beer I had Wednesday night.  It was a really grapefruity IPA which I usually don’t like, but it tasted like Heaven’s nectar.

Miss Anything: Walking normally, booze, not having to monitor my caffeine intake.

Movement: Oh lawd…He’s transverse and sunny side up.  Basically his position is awful.  He moves all the freakin’ time, but never actually flips positions.  He has two weeks to get his act together before they move him manually (which sounds completely dreadful).

Food cravings: I eat a lot of oranges and bananas to hopefully balance out the ice cream sandwiches, Golden Grahams and Fudge Stripe cookies.  Although I haven’t had cookies or Golden Grahams in two days!

Anything making you queasy or sick: Hot coffee. Still.  It sounds so disgusting. 

Have you started to show yet: Oh mos def.  The guy at Subway said “Welcome to Subway!” to my belly yesterday.

Gender: BOY!

Labor Signs: Nah.  Some painless Braxton-Hicks, but that’s about it.

Belly Button in or out: If I wear something super tight (as we all do at 8 months pregnant), then you can see a tiny bit of an outie.  Otherwise, it’s basically non-existent.

Wedding rings on or off: On. FOREVER.

Happy or Moody: Anxious!  Not about labor and delivery, but about life with a new baby and family spread across the country and grandparents in poor health…

Looking forward to:  A burger and fries tomorrow.  Screw weight gain.   

Friday, May 23, 2014

32 Weeks

This definitely won't be a weekly thing because I'm too lazy, but I thought it would be fun to do at least once.

How far along: 32 weeks

Baby is the size of: A jicama (wft?) 3 ¾ pounds and 16.7 inches.

Total weight gain/loss: gain of 15lbs!

Maternity clothes: Maternity tops and normal pants.  Although my maternity tops are quickly becoming too short.  So I’m currently mad at maternity clothes.

Stretch marks: No

Sleep: Good sleep thanks to my Snoogle!  I do wake up occasionally cause my hips freakin’ hurt, but that’s it.   

Best moment this week: I’m gonna bet it was something food related…and today is the Friday before a 3-day weekend.

Miss Anything: Buckling my sandals without almost dying, LIQUOR, BREATHING, being able to hold my pee

Movement: YES and I have mixed feelings about it.  I love feeling him move, but he’s getting so big that it keeps me from sleeping sometimes!  And it’s creepy seeing a leg travel across your stomach…

Food cravings: Basically all sweets which is so weird because I’ve never had a sweet tooth.  And red meat.  Probably because I’m anemic.

Anything making you queasy or sick: Hot coffee.  How awful is that?  I thought I was past the coffee aversion and I love an iced latte, but hot coffee makes me want to puke.

Have you started to show yet: Gawd yes.  But I guess I'm oblivious to it because when people ask when I'm due, I look around for the person their talking to before I realize it's me.

Gender: BOY!

Labor Signs: I actually don’t know any besides contractions and your water breaking, so I’ll say none.

Belly Button in or out: Non-existent most of the time, but out after a big meal.  I don’t get it either.

Wedding rings on or off: On

Happy or Moody: Everything under the spectrum.  Some seriously violent mood swings have been happening.  They are usually remedied with food.

Looking forward to: This child dropping so I can breathe! 

Thursday, May 8, 2014

Miles' Nursery

My sweet mother flew out last week to help me with the disaster that once was the nursery.  For the last 3 months, this room had been a crib and a huge pile of clothes.  And then Jan worked her magic.
I'm not a theme person.  I don't do themes or tons of matchy-matchy stuff.  We painted this room around Labor Day in 2012 with the intention it would eventually be the nursery.  I chose the color Kind Green by SW because I tend to like color and then I'll box myself in trying to use accessories that aren't overwhelming.  I went back and forth between owls and elephants before deciding I really liked penguins.
So Miles has a penguin nursery.


My mom found the little penguin lamp and bedding.  Actually, she found the picture that's over the crib too...so yeah, Jan did everything.  The "M" on the bookshelf was from our wedding.  Reduce, reuse, recycle.

 This is the changing table that my sweet friend refinished for us.  And the cart is from the nightmarish hellscape that is IKEA.  Those walls photograph really green.  I promise they aren't quite that green in person.  The little blanket on the changing pad goes with his layette (again, courtesy of Gammy Jan) and it's Paty Inc, which means I want an adult size one to sleep with.

I thought about putting an orchid or other plant on that little nightstand for staging purposes, but in reality, that little table will be covered in bottles, both baby and wine.  So I'm just keeping it real.  Matt spoiled me by getting me the glider I really wanted.  It's like a giant butt cloud.

I went overboard buying clothes the minute we found out we were having a boy.  St. Jan washed and hung everything while I sat in the Butt Cloud, nursing a hemorrhoid that I eventually named Stan. 

I really like how the penguin lamp illuminates his humidifier.

All we need is a travel system, a monitor and a baby.  Hopefully they'll all come in that order...

Tuesday, April 29, 2014

Oh dear

So I have 11 (or less!) weeks until this bouncing baby boy arrives.

My face is mostly back to normal.  I haven't thrown up in 11 days.  Still sleeping like a log (wtf does that even mean?).

No Braxton-Hicks, just some round ligament pain.  He likes to burrow under my ribs and run his hand (foot?) down them like a xylophone.  He currently prefers to be waaaaay over on the right side, as evidenced by the doctor's difficulty in finding his heartbeat yesterday.  And while he's measuring perfectly, I have gained 9 pounds in a month.


Granted I'd really only gained about 4 pounds since getting pregnant.  I'd lost about 15 pounds from running and then I stopped running in August or so and gained it back.  So I'm not technically counting those pounds because I would've gained them anyway since I started working again and quit taking the MS drug that gave me the energy to actually run. 

Yes, I am rationalizing but you have to admit that I'm being rational.

AND I'm still wearing my regular pants.  And most of them fasten without a rubber band. 

I'm just really confused by these 9 pounds.  And my doctor told me to buy a scale. :(  I feel legitimately fat-shamed.

I'm gonna say that 9 pounds is boobs.  Cause talk about obscene...

My rings still fit and my belly button hasn't popped.  No stretch marks.  I am anemic (ooops), but I passed my glucose tolerance test.  It was kind of brutal.

I'm constantly out of breath.  Walking from the car to my desk finds me huffing and puffing.  I go walking when I'm not too queasy and I get so winded I can't talk.  It's a constant annoyance!

He's kicking the desk as I type this.  I've angered it.

Monday, March 17, 2014

The one with all the whining...

I try not to complain a lot.  Really, I do.  I'm not exactly known for my compassion so it'd be silly if I was always seeking it from other people.

But pregnancy does not agree with me.

I'm still puking at 22 weeks.  Not every day, but I'm still queasy in the mornings and sometimes, out of nowhere, I'll call Earl.  This past Saturday, I had to make a call to ol' Earl while riding down the road to lunch.  It went down my shirt.  It got in my hair. Poor Matt.  Just...poor Matt.

And apparently, I don't have a lot of room for my tum tum so if I eat too much, I subsequently hurl.  Wasted some good pot roast the other night...

 I've had two "conditions" that seem to not be talked about a lot in the pregnant world.

First of which was pregnancy gingivitis, which I could live with.  It just looked like a murder scene when I brushed my teeth.  The dentist said that it's because pregnancy hormones are sugar-based so bacteria looooove to feast on it.  That is the only interesting thing about that matter.

The second one being corneal edema.  Per the Google (and confirmed by my brother), when pregnant your corneas can RETAIN WATER making them thicker and causing your contacts to not fit right.  So I've been wearing glasses the last week.  Cause of my FAT CORNEAS. 

I also managed to have a slight MS flare last week where the right side of my face was droopy and numb.  I smiled weird and that was the only noticeable symptom.  Now I have feeling and strength again, but my eyelid twitches all day, erry day.  I'm hoping (PRAYING) that it's just nerves re-routing and not nerve damage.  One side of my face looks like it's in a perpetual state of sneezing.

The literal cherry on top is the cherry angioma on my lip.  A big, red dome-shaped blob on my lip that's filled with blood and bleeds everywhere if it's even slightly ruptured.  It's not pregnancy related because the god-forsaken thing has been there since about June.  It just shrinks down sometimes, but never freakin' goes away.  Again per the Google, it can be removed if found "cosmetically unsavory."

It's unsavory in every way.

In non-whining news, El Guapo kicks all day.  Like a champ.  And I love him.

I also love foooooood.

My favorite things currently:
-Golden Grahams (there's nothing like the first 2 bowls after dinner)
-Greek yogurt
-Brussel sprouts (right?!?!)
-Cold tomatoes on my turkey sandwich (yeah I still eat deli meat.  JUDGE.)
-Orange juice.  Which is apparently laden with sugar so I'm cutting back on the OJ until after my glucose screening test.

And there's never a moment in the day that I don't crave chocolate cake. 

I may have gone a little overboard on the clothes shopping for the El Guapo.  He may have 20 onesies.  And 20 sleepers.  And 20+ outfits (including baby cargo jeans).  I've curtailed that for now since we haven't bought a lot of things he actually needs.  Or...anything he actually needs, really. 

Oh, Guap.  Please be patient with me.

Tuesday, February 4, 2014


The last few months have been a blur of sleep and vomit, so I figured I'd write down what few details I remember for future reference.  Although, it is definitely too soon to even think about doing this again.

I digress.

I really like to drink wine while cooking dinner.  So on a Sunday night in November (Nov 3rd maybe?) I'd been swigging some pinot grigio and decided it'd be fun to pee on a stick.  Because why not.  I actually put the test down somewhere (probably near food, knowing me) and continued my completely inappropriate text convo with Misti and Judith.  At some point, I remembered that darn test, picked it up and saw two lines staring at me.  I was NOT immediately excited because I had a belly full of wine and that can't be good for the zygote.  Matt was pretty indifferent about it and I don't blame him.  It's hard to believe a little plastic stick that you bought at Safeway.  I got on the Google (duh) and determined my due date is July 18. 

Life went on as normal for another week and a half.  The day I hit 5 weeks, I started feeling like complete and utter shit.  There's no other way to say it.  It was awful, second only to an MS relapse.  So I effectively ruined our Thanksgiving trip to Seattle by 1) not wanting to leave our hotel room, and 2) barfing all the way down 6th Street.  So, so miserable.  Sorry, Matt.

I finally told my co-worker at 8 weeks because I desperately needed to complain to someone.  Plus, I think I was looking kind of suspicious by running to the bathroom 2938472392233 times a day. 

I flew to Dallas at 10 weeks and it wasn't bad.  Christmas was good.  Telling family was good.  Flying home was pretty sucky only because it's a freakin' long flight and Matt and I got split up on the plane.  THANKS, OBAMA.

January wasn't too awful.  Heard the heartbeat and had an ultrasound so it was nice to know there's actually something in there and I'm not shouting groceries for nothing.

Now that the nausea is fading, I just want to eat.  I love Golden Grahams.  I love oranges and orange juice and banana peppers (not altogether). Subway clubs are so delicious I could cry. 

We don't find out the gender until Feb 26th (Dayton or Sandrine?)  so I'm just biding my time until I know whether to buy pink or blue stuff. 

Thanks to Zofran and our Temperpedic mattress, things are going well.  I can't hide the fat anymore. My ribs hurt a lot.  But, seriously, everything has gone so well that I'm kind of in disbelief. 

It'll be fun when UPS drops off a baby for me in July.  That's how they get here, right?

Wednesday, January 8, 2014

Soundtrack of 2013

I'm late this year, but it's due to the tiny baby in my belly.  Best excuse ever.

2013 was a crap year, music-wise.  The only albums worth a listen all year were The National's "Trouble Will Find Me" and Frightened Rabbit's "Pedestrian Verse."  Everything else was 100% meeehhhhh.

My Top Songs of 2013:

The Weight of Us - Sanders Bohlke
Inbread Evil - Boondox
I Made a Resolution - Sea Wolf
All of Me - John Legend (awwwww)
My Song 5 - Haim
101 Vultures - Alex Winston
Country Queen - Night Moves
By Your Hand - Los Campesinos!
Youth - Daughter
End of All Time - Stars of Track & Field
The Ocean - The Bravery (probably my most listened to song of the year)
Not in Love - Olin & The Moon
All I Want - Kodaline
Just a Fool - Christina Aguilera and Blake Shelton (I knooooowwwww)
Slowly - Barcelona
Many of Horror - Biffy Clyro
I Should Live in Salt - The National
Sea of Love - The National
This is the Last Time - The National
Slipped - The National
City Middle - The National
Hip Hop Kids - Portugal. The Man
Atomic Man - Portugal. The Man
Purple Yellow Red and Blud - Portugal. The Man
My Homies Still - Lil Wayne (what?)
Slow Show - The National
Time to Run - Lord Huron
Royals - Lorde
Young Blood - The Naked and Famous
Jump Into the Fog - The Wombats
Life Boat - Early Morning Rebel
Bartholomew - The Silent Comedy
Oblivion - M83 (omgggg)
Why'd You Only Call Me When You're High? - Arctic Monkeys
Trembling Hands - The Temper Trap
Full Circle - Half Moon Run
No Rest - Dry the River
R U Mine? - Arctic Monkeys (they have so many questions)
If the Creek Don't Rise - Dylan LeBlanc
Human - Daughter
Landfill - Daughter
Candles - Daughter
Home - Daughter
Medicine - Daughter
Tennis Court - Lorde
I'm Gonna Be (500 Miles) - Sleeping at Last
Flashbulb Eyes - Arcade Fire
Fight Song - The Appleseed Cast
Holy - Frightened Rabbit
The Woodpile - Frightened Rabbit
Late March, Death March - Frightened Rabbit
December's Traditions - Frightened Rabbit
Dead Now - Frightened Rabbit
State Hospital - Frightened Rabbit
Nitrous Gas - Frightened Rabbit
The Oil Slick - Frightened Rabbit (ok basically the whole album)
Demons - The National
Don't Swallow the Cap - The National
I Need My Girl - The National
Acts of Man - Frightened Rabbit
The Story I Heard - Blind Pilot
Broken Heart - Dr. Dog
You Don't Know How Lucky You Are - Keaton Henson

I made it through that whole list without puking!