girlfriends

i've been thinking about posting this for a while and i guess since it hasn't left my mind, i should get it off my chest.

after 26 years of existence, i decided maybe i'm some rare special snowflake that just isn't meant to have close girlfriends.

sommer, could you elaborate please?

why yes. yes i can.

i had one best friend from 1st-6th grade. then i made the cheerleading squad in junior high and those durn pom pons (yes it's pom poNs) just ripped us apart. we were merely civil throughout the next 4 years.

for those 4 years, i was a floater. i had my cheer friends. my band friends. my friends that were just my friends cause our parents were friends. my church friends.

then i switched schools for my junior year. which was a death wish friend-wise cause you can't penetrate those circles of friends that've been together since the boob. i could sum up my role in those friendships in one word: expendable. "oh i don't have anyone else to hang out with so i'll call up ole sommer!!!!!! weeee yaaahhh bleegghhh eeeee!!!!"

i saw right through you.

and then you did something completely horrible to me and i will never forget it. friendship. over.

college...it's hard to make friends in college. and i didn't until the end of freshmen year. then i had a select few bestest friends.

i'm terrible at keeping in touch. i know this. i'm mainly not still friends with anyone from high school because i'm the only one in my class that went to tech. and 90% of them still live in el dorado.

and i moved waaaaaay down here to new orleans. by myself. well. one of my good friends was down here too. but a series of unfortunate events (lemony snicket!) has put a major glitch in that relationship. i've posted about it before. i'm still too angry to talk about it. and i'm still ok with being this angry about it.

it really takes a lot to piss me off. or at least it did before i finally woke up and laced up the ball hairs. now i'm pretty crap-intolerant. that's a medical term.

so it's pretty much me+matt=bff4lyfe. and ella. i have alison here now. who's so sweet and has never ever hurt my feelings. i have a church i love. misti cheers me up at least twice a week, even from 6 hours away.

maybe. MAYBE. i can have close friends again. but for the most part, i'm pretty ok just on my own. because i've been on the outside (oh this sounds so pity party! sorry!) in pretty much all my girlfriendships. so i don't really feel like i'm in a new place emotionally. just a place i've finally come to accept and now i can quit fretting over why i don't have close girlfriends.

i guess it makes me me. but for the record: i am pretty awesome. you basically want to be my friend.

unless you don't. that's cool too.

*end "woe is me" pity party hats