a story

if you recall this post, i showed a certain picture that i wanted to one day have on or around my body.

it is now on the back of my right shoulder. looking all cool and stuff. and sore as a mutha.

i realize it's a bit sinister...maybe even morbid. but i have a reason for it.

grad school was a pretty low time for me. i was so lonely. none of my friends stayed after graduation. i had my sweet roommate, but it was still a struggle for me.

i was sad. and i couldn't get not sad. it was like quicksand. i wanted to die and thought about it several times. i called my mom in the middle of the night one time and told her i was scared to go to sleep cause i didn't think i would wake up. i was pretty robotic. it was like i was watching myself from outside my body...trudging to class, trying to not fail my classes, befriending many of the wrong wrong kind of people.

i came across that picture somewhere. and it just made me feel better. made me think of heaven. where i wouldn't hurt anymore.

luckily, matt, ella and new orleans revived me from my stupor. but i still looked at this picture all the time. then and now, it reminds that no matter what happens here, i have a much better place waiting for me. where no sadness or pain or depression or guilt or hopelessness exists. it reminds me that i should put myself out there because even if it turns out badly, i have something much bigger waiting. i get so much peace and comfort from that.

i apologize for the somber tone. i truly believe that tattoos should be something that really means something special to you and gives you encouragement and hope.

there's some insight into the non-sarcastic, non-random me.

on the plus side, my tummy is full of p.f. chang's and gelato. and pg tips.

that is beautiful and doesn't hurt.